Jeffrey’s Journey

David just left for the airport to go back to Japan. Our last meal in Thailand was McDonalds and I gorged myself on a big mac, large fries, a double fish fillet (they have those here), 6 piece chicken nuggets, and the McScraps of David’s meal. Battling food coma and the grease thats now seeping into my coronary arteries, I’ll attempt to gather myself and squeeze out a short entry.

I think one of the biggest things on my mind right now is the issue of pride. I’m not talking about pride in the Seven Sins context, I’m talking about pride for one’s country and for what the people in it stand for. Right off the bat I’ll say that I’ve never had this sort of pride in where I’m from. In fact, the more I learn and the more I see, the more turned off I am of where I’m from.

But when I travel, I see so many people glow when they get the chance to explain where they are from and what their culture is like. The Thai people absolutely love their King, and I know they don’t love him because they have to. Being here, you can’t help but feel that their love is true and unartifical. I have no idea what it’s like to love a government official or a public figure from my country, not because I’m incapable of it, but I don’t believe there are any figures in our public arena to love and be proud of. 

 When I come across someone who is genuinely proud of where they are from, I think that’s the coolest thing in the world. When a person’s eyes light up telling you about a certain aspect of their culture, or how they can’t help but speak with a little more gravity when they tell you how friendly their countrymen are, those converastions always catch me a little envious because I’ve always wanted to brag about the place I’m from and what it’s about.

Not much to report or write about lately.

However, I’ve checked a bunch of items off of my list of things to do. In the last few days, I’ve:

-Gone to the Hospital to get a shot and got my malaria pills. A tip to anyone who is or will be in Bangkok: Medicine is extremely cheap and there’s no prescription needed. Pause for a minute and take in the possibilities here. Appreciating them yet? Oh, and Bumrungrad Hospital is an amazing hospital. The staff can speak English, it’s by far the best looking hospital I’ve been to (this is including in The States), and it’s affordable.

- Got my visa for Vietnam. The fucken thing cost me 70 bucks or so. Whatever.

- About to get my travel plans for the near future squared away.

- Sent home a package of stuff.

 If you have a low tolerance for reading ‘unsettling’ things, then skip the next paragraph.  As of lately, I’ve head the worst diarrhea imaginable. I didn’t even know this kind of discharge from my ass was possible. In a span of 30 minutes, I had to go 4 times. And what comes out is consistent with the texture of a melted mango-a-go-go. I chose mango a go go because there’s also little chunks, just like the mangos. I now know how it feels to pee out of my ass.

And I know I haven’t posted many pictures or video lately, so I took the below video while on the back of a motorcycle taxi through Bangkok. If you ever come to Bangkok, you have to try the motorcycle taxi!

I’m not totally sure how to start writing this post. No doubt it will be hard to follow and ultimately, sad.

Since my last post, Nui and I went and had dinner with his friend Annie’s house. It took about 30 minutes on motorbike to get there. Along the way, we passed by water buffalos, snakes, cows, and even baby elephants on the streets (this is a sad story on it’s own…).

Annie knows how to cook. I had a delicious Vietnamese meal with a houseful of her relatives. I loved that there were so many little children, uncles and aunts, and other random old relatives all living under the same roof. We also slept over, with all the other little kids, on mats in the living room.

The next day, Nui and I got a few beers and ate the left over pizza from the previous day’s lunch. Since the day I met him, Nui has always been a joker, or as he put it, ‘ a nonsense guy.’ All that changed this particular evening.

I have no idea how I should write about what Nui shared with me, but I’m just going to do it. The more we drank, the more restless and morose he seemed to get. Nui is typically always jovial, but yesterday he wasn’t. He started off telling me that he might be gay. At first, I thought this was another one of his jokes because I’ve never seen him serious. I quickly realized he wasn’t joking. He went on to tell me that he had a 30 year old friend, someone he should probably call his boyfriend. As we drank more, he corrected himself and said he WAS gay, the maybe’s or if’s weren’t there anymore.

The minute he told me this, my own thoughts went crazy. I was wondering, “was this why he was being so friendly, what were his motivations, etc.” I thought about it and I still believe he is the same good person.

Nui also told me before this night that he didn’t know who is father was because he left his mother when he was not yet born. His mother was someone he loved very much because he spent a lot of time with her but she also died. His sister, he told me, also died of leukemia.

As the night went on, he told me he lied to me about his sister, she actually died of AIDS. Then he apologized for lying. By this point, everything he said came out in the tone approaching a whisper.

He kept saying he was a bad person. He used to be a druggie. He said many people believe he was the one who killed his mother because she worried about him so much (she died of cancer).

The story that really got to me was that when his mother died, his sister was the one to tell him. Still being high on drugs, he calmly answered, “ok, I’ll go tomorrow.” When his friend asked who called, he told his friend he just found out his mother died. His friend yelled at him to go see her NOW, but he responded by saying that he was too lazy, so he’ll do it tomorrow. He was unaffected… totally unaffected by the news.

Now, years after his mother’s passing, he deeply regrets his actions and desperately wants to ask his mother if she is happy with him being gay, if it is ok. I told him mothers usually just want you to be happy.

With all the people he lost, he still has 2 brothers who are married and have families. He is the only one who doesn’t, and feels sad he will never have a family. He says he feels homeless.

As we got more and more drunk, at one point in the night he muttered under his breath, ‘maybe I like you…’ I heard him perfectly but I pretended I didn’t hear him. I didn’t know what to say so I just talked about something trivial and stupid- about how my scars still hurt from my motorbike accident.

At the end of the night, I wanted to go but he didn’t want to be left alone. I remember thinking he is scared of being lonely. He kept thanking me for being his friend. Finally, I was able to leave and the first thing I did was call my mom on my cell phone (I didn’t get through).

At first, I felt I shouldn’t write this because it would somehow be rude to him or that I would be exploiting his trust. However, I feel like my intentions are not to exploit. That night was part of my travels and I believe it’s important for me to write and process my thoughts. I don’t know what more to say except it was hard writing about the experience, but it was much harder hearing them, being hit from nowhere by them.

I came to the town of Nong Kai, a relatively unknown town, because I was originally planning to wait for my friend Jared to get his work visa in Laos, then leave the day after. Well, this is my second day here and I’m really, really glad I stayed.

This town is not touristy. It’s not flashy. There’s nothing obviously special to the casual passer-by, but when you stay a bit, you can sense the different pace of life.

The guesthouse is overlooking the Mekong River. As I usually do during my days in a new place, I wander. I found a bookstore right next to my guesthouse and met the guy who worked there. His name is Nui. He is 23, and works in Pattaya, a tourist city on the southern side of Thailand. He is smart but a little eccentric, the way really intelligent people always seem to be. We become friends instantly and the next thing I know, he invites me to join him for dinner with one of his friends. The next day, we bike a few miles to one of the most amazing sites; a park of giant statues. I’ll upload the pictures in a few weeks, since I forgot my camera charger.

Nui also has an inspiring story. It took him 3 months to learn English, by himself. By himself! The decision and motivation came when he was working, and one of our shameful western tourists asked him a question about a newspaper in English (Nui was working at newspaper stand). ‘No’ being the only English word he knew, he naturally said no, to express he didn’t speak English. The guy got extremely upset and started insulting him with words, expressions and gestures that anyone could understand. He was mad that Nui couldn’t speak English. From that moment, Nui said he devoted himself to learn English through books, movies, and music. Now, he knows more lines to movies and more American music artists than I do, and I’m guessing most of us. His English isn’t perfect, of course, but its extremely impressive for just a few months of learning the language.

The next night, he invites me to join him and his friends for a BBQ. This was a site to see. The attendees were me, Nui, the host of the BBQ, which was a woman who used to own a guest house but had to take care of her baby when she gave birth (with a Brit), and two ladyboys, Natalie and Yo. One of these ladyboys looked so scary I really feel that if I was put into a dress, I’d look prettier. However, the other ladyboy I must admit I’d be moderately attracted to if I didn’t know she had a penis.

After drinking a few beers and whisky, the rain began to fall hard. But even with the rain, we head out on scooters to play pool. By this point, the combination of being drunk and having moved around so much in the last few days hit me hard and I began to fall asleep. But of course, they wouldn’t let me do that and we headed to a discotec called Bar Nana. They had some of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen perform songs and dance, almost MTV music video-like. They wouldn’t lose in a hotness contest with Britney Spears, or a dancing contest, but they could sing Britney under the table. Throughout the whole time there, I was being poured drinks by the ladyboys and frankly, I felt taken care of. It’s in this drunken haze where I realize that ladyboys are awesome. I now know how all those girls with countless gay guy friends feel. The ladyboys act like chicks, but can throw down when shit happens. Shit, I felt protected and safe. They are feminine but aggressive. There are definitely parallels with Xena, the warrior princess, and a ladyboy. And I love being their friends. Anyway, afterwards, Nui and I walked home in the pouring rain, stepping over geckos and toads, me raving about how cool ladyboys are.

I feel great about staying. I feel like I’ve sort of infiltrated, or broken through the arms length distance that Thai’s can sometimes hold the Farangs (outsiders, foreigners) to. I got to eat a traditional meal at someone’s house, situated in a swamp like setting. I got to hang out with them and go where Thai’s go and not just the places Lonely Planet tells you to go.

I was also paid one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. In a casual conversation, the topic of good and bad people came up. For some reason I asked him if he believed you can sense if someone has a good heart by looking at their face. He said he didn’t believe so but needed to talk to them first. He goes on to say, ‘that’s why I invited you to hang out with my friends, I have many customers but I don’t invite them. When I talk to you, I felt you were good.’ Wow. What a compliment, however undeserved.

Since my last entry, I’ve made my way up to the most northern part of Thailand. I’m in a small city called Nong Kai, which is located along the banks of the Mekong River. The other side is Laos! This is completely different from Bangkok, or the islands. This feels like a true Thai town and I feel live I’m finally seeing how the majority of Thai’s really live.