Jeffrey’s Journey

Fucking Taiwan.

Today I sent in my resume for an English tutoring position. Within an hour, I was sitting in the classroom of the English tutoring company filling out an application.

When the lady gets in, I greet her and she asks me: So tell me about yourself.

So I answer.

After that, she says, ‘Ok. Those are all my questions. Do you have any questions for me?’

I’m thinking, ‘What. that’s it, what just happened here?’ Interviews are one of the few times where I go in smiling and prepared to bend over, willing to endure anything they want to give me and thanking them for it after, and this was all they wanted? Didn’t even cop a feel? Feeling like I obviously failed to impress them and had nothing to lose, I ask, ‘So what was your impression?’

She says: ‘To be frank, we are looking for a white person. I’m sorry.’

I’m thinking, it’s a little too late to be frank, isn’t it? You could have been frank: A) When I sent you my resume with the last name LEE on it. B) When I walked through the door of your racist little establishment in all my Asian-ness (I’m pretty damn sure I looked Asian when I did). C) When you came into the room, saving me from answering your fictitious interview question as well as the time it took to answer the stupid generic application that asks all the questions everyone dreads seeing.

I had so much ammo I wanted to unload but I bit my tongue and acted like a gentleman… because she was cute. I guess all of us judge and modify our behavior based on appearances in certain situations. Normally, when I have the right-of-way to act like an asshole, I drive through it like a bat out of hell, but she’s lucky she was cute, that and I’m such a putty-brained horny bastard.

Who would have thought, the place where I would experience racism would be Taiwan, the same place where my Mom and Dad were born and where all my extended family lives. At one point, she even said, ‘ I know your Engrish is perfect.’ Well, no shit my Engrish is perfect; it’s the language I’ve been using for 25 years, the language I dream in, the same language I innately sprout out some of the foulest words in when I get cut off, and the language I should be tutoring her in. But, you know, she was cute n’ all, so I didn’t exactly say that verbatim. Ok ok, I didn’t say any of it at all.
This isn’t the first time I experienced such overt and flagrant racism. When I was in 1st or 2nd grade, I went to a school in Houston. The ethnic make-up of the school was 50% Mexican, 49% Black, and the other percent was me (or that’s how it felt). Little kids can be mean as hell, and I vividly remember when there was a group of kids that ganged up on me, calling me chink and spitting at me. I remember feeling so helpless because there were so many of them and I was alone. Fast forward today. It’s me vs. one cute chick. Even though the variables are a little different the same helpless feeling was there. Not because I was outnumbered but because today, someone was essentially telling me that no matter how hard I tried or what I did, I wouldn’t be able to do something I wanted to do. Being told I was not good enough or undesired (however you look at it) because of something I had no control over is an awful and helpless feeling.

The funny thing is, I wasn’t even serious about getting this job. I figured, while I’m here, I should learn more about the option of teaching English in case things don’t work out when I get back to The States.

About half an hour after the interview, the woman texts me the following message: Jeffrey, I am sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have said that to you. If you really want to teach English in Taiwan, please try -the name of some other English teaching organization-. Good luck!

I immediately responded: While we’re on the topic of appearance, today wasn’t a total waste of time, because at least you were cute.

I wasn’t sure if I was trying to be nice, offensive, or just being a horny bastard again. I think it was probably all three, with a little extra dash of the last reason.

I woke up today feeling like a pig who’s been wallowing in his mud puddle for the last 5 hours; I could still taste my last cigarette in my breath from the night before, I had the crusty eyes, drool on the side of my face, my pants were half way down my ass, and my first though was: where the hell am I?

It turns out, I’m in Taiwan again and it’s great. However, I’ve always believed that Taiwan is a place where you need a local’s point of view to really be able to appreciate it. You need a friend, family members, or some kind of connection to the locals to really appreciate it for what it is, to really see it for what it is, because once you do, a whole new world will appear, a new fantastic point of view, a thousand dazzling things to see, every turn’s a surprise, and you’ll feel like you’re on a magic carpet ride. You know, like the song.

No but seriously, you’ll find the best little hole in the walls restaurants to eat at, the shittiest but most comfortable little bars to drink at, and if you’re really lucky (or unlucky), you’ll witness first hand the abilities of the locals in their favorite past time: Karaoke!

Tomorrow I’ve decided I’m going to have lunch at this little food kart that serves the best fried chicken in the world. IN THE WORLD, literally. I’ve thought about it so much and for so long, it seems the memory of the chicken is better than the memory of your fondest sexual experiences and just as good as the ones you still masturbate to. My memory of it goes something like an Olive Garden commercial, except it’s a piece of juicy, tender, tasty fried chicken in a paper bag and it’s in slow motion, and oddly it’s with no sound. You may think I’m exaggerating but I wish I could bring a few pieces back and prove it to you. Nancy, if you’re reading this, I need to take you to this place. To me, it’s climax served in a paper bag.

I’m sitting here in the airport in Taiwan, waiting to board my plane for home.

My plan was to try and surprise my Mom and Dad when I got back by turning up at their doorstep, but it turns out a mother always knows… my mom said she had a dream I would be coming back soon and called my Uncle to ask, and my Uncle spilled the beans. Moms always know…

Merry X-Mas and Happy New Year.

Jeffrey.

I have about 3 more days until my trip comes to an end.

 On Sunday, December 24th on flight C6, from TPE to LAX, my trip is scheduled to officially come to an end.

I was originally scheduled to return in January but I plan on surprising my Mom for Christmas Eve. In keeping with tradition, I will probably not arrange someone to pick me up until I actually get there. So, maybe I have room to squeeze in one last little adventure.

What a trip…

What a trip.

I wish I can write something that captures just what this month has meant to me, but I’m not capable of that at the moment and I know it. In less than a day, I’ll be catching a flight out of Taipei and to Nepal. A million thoughts are still on my mind, most unresolved. But I think its fair to say that this month has been one of the most meaningful months of my life. I just need some time to process the experience.

All I can say right now is that it felt so good to put the camera down for a month, to neglect the blog more or less, and take the moments as they come. I’ve had incredible moments here, moments I would usually try to take a picture of or try to write about, but I’m proud of myself that I didn’t. They are only in memory and that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’d like to express what’s been going through my mind about a lot of things, but as I said, for now I can’t. I’ll just say that I think because of the time I spent here, many things have changed, including my plans for this trip. But for now, I’ll take the easy way out and post a video of my beloved and beautiful cousin’s wedding and cut and paste an e-mail to a friend and perhaps it will help to express myself.

– Kit,

Sorry for such a rushed e-mail earlier. My cousin (who I don’t know
 well at all) walked in pretty much almost naked.  I want to explain
 what’s going on.

I’ve been looking into booking my ticket to Nepal, and going on to the places I’ve told you about. But lately, with my parents here, being around family, and just being in Taipei for so long, my thinking has
 changed. I found that responsible side kicking harder and harder in my head. I’m listening to my parents and their advice. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know family members that were little more than just a name to me a few months ago. And most of all, I think I fell in love with Taipei.

I’m thinking about scratching my trip, or at least the latter half of it. That means S. America mostly, probably more, I don’t know. It hurts to say. I’m confused about what to do, and I’ve put off buying a ticket out of here even though my visa is up on the 23rd.

It’s a juggling act with a bunch of things right now… money, family, my trip and my dream, wanting to be here to learn Chinese, and just loving it here. I have a lot to think about and I don’t know how much time I have to think about it.

I want to tell you above all, that I really really really appreciate you doing those little things for me. I appreciated it even when in the beginning you were offering and supportive. I mean, you don’t really even need to do anything at all because I feel like you are one of the few that understand all this, you know, I’ve told you this before.

Thanks for everything.